Chris Brown, Anger Management, and Mindfulness

I don't know much about Chris Brown, but I heard today that he got upset after an interview with ABC's Good Morning America and trashed his dressing room. And my first thought was, just like me.

I'm not excusing Mr. Brown's behavior. I understand that he has a history of domestic violence. I understand that he witnessed considerable violence as a child, which I'm sure has something to do with it.

What I'm noticing, however, is my own tendency to get angry and to lash out, even given my years of practice. I haven't thrown any chairs recently, but when a cab driver clipped the mirror on my Prius this past Sunday, knocking its cover off, I jumped out of the car with accusation and aggression; my heart was beating fast, and I was lucky that the cab driver was calm and relaxed.

I'm not a violent guy. Maybe it was because my kids were in the car that I got so worked up. I felt protective and at the same time justifed. But what I knew instantly, as soon as the cab driver calmly stepped out and suggested we exchange paperwork, was that I'd fallen into the grips of a klesha, that I was briefly out of my right mind. That simple awareness completely made the anger dissolve. [Later, it was replaced by self-judgement, but that's another conversation.] It was simply mindfulness; I became aware of my anger, and it lost its grip.

Thich Nhat Hanh reminds us to treat our anger with tenderness:

"Mindfulness does not fight anger or despair. Mindfulness is there in order to recognize. To be mindful of something is to recognize that something is there in the present moment. Mindfulness is the capacity of being aware of what is going on in the present moment. 'Breathing in, I know that anger has manifested in me; breathing out, I smile towards my anger.' This is not an act of suppression or of fighting. It is an act of recognizing. Once we recognize our anger, we embrace it with a lot of awareness, a lot of tenderness."

There are, of course, much deeper levels of anger than I experienced on Sunday. I know these take a lot more mindfulness and tenderness than I had to generate during this incident. I imagine Mr. Brown is experiencing something more pervasive. I read that he has done some anger management work, and word is he'll be doing more. I can only imagine that anger management training must involve some degree of mindfulness training. Before you do anything about your anger, you have to notice that it's present!

By the way, I got the car fixed yesterday. It cost $85. Really nothing worth yelling over.