Three Surprising Qualities of Compassion

1. Compassion isn’t just a feeling. In fact, true compassion need not involve any particular emotions at all.  Sincere compassionate action can take place when there is no sense of “Me” and “You”, “Us” or “Them”. If my left arm is itchy, my right hand reaches over to scratch it without first having to feel really, really sorry for the left arm. My right hand doesn’t need to spend a lot of time thinking of the best way to solve the problem of itching. It recognizes a degree of suffering experienced by the left arm and responds appropriately in a way that alleviates that suffering. Compassionate action is spontaneous and happens as naturally as reaching for a pillow when it’s time to go to bed at night. No thought, no great effort, no patting one’s self on the back--just doing whatever the situation calls for. Getting caught up in a warm and fuzzy feeling and calling it compassion can be yet another form of self-aggrandizement and separation.

2. Compassion isn’t currency. Acting with compassion simply involves responding to the suffering of others because we recognize that we are not separate from them. The phrase “You scratch my back and I’ll I scratch yours” is terribly misguided. If I hold the door for someone and they rush through without saying “thank you”, I need not get in a huff because I think they’re being rude to me or that they are ungrateful. The second I start looking for a “thank you” or some other form of acknowledgment, I’m engaging in pumping myself up rather than simply doing for others. What I’m trying to pass off as being nice or compassionate is in fact a form of currency. I’m doing something with an expectation of gaining something in return--even if it’s just a little “thank you.” It’s not a really big deal, but let’s not call that compassion. 

3. Compassion is our natural state. There are many, many practices meant to rouse a sense of compassion within us and they are all very wonderful. However, it’s important to remember that compassion is our natural state. It isn’t something we need to get or acquire, it’s something we just need to recognize and cultivate within ourselves. It’s already there but it gets covered over by the weeds of our thinking, our habits, and our fundamental misunderstanding about the true nature of things. It’s like seeds that can’t grow because there are so many weeds and brush that needs to be cleaned up all around them--and once all of that stuff gets cleared away, we can notice how naturally compassion arises. 

-Lawrence Grecco