Daily Connect: Loving Your Technology and Loving Your Pet

Jonathan Franzen, author of the novel "Freedom" has a mouthful for the technocrats. "Liking" consumer technology is easy, "Loving" real life is hard.

In an Op-Ed pieced for the NYTimes, he equates the ability to easily discard his out-of-date BlackBerry Pearl as well as the ubiquitous "liking" that occurs on Facebook to a form of narcissism.

"My aim here is mainly to set up a contrast between the narcissistic tendencies of technology and the problem of actual love…"

He continues:

"Consumer technology products..are great allies and enablers of narcisissm.  Alongside their built in eagarness to be liked is a built in eagarness to reflect well on us.  Our lives look a lot more interesting when they're filtered through the sexy Facebook interface.  We star in our own movies, we photograph ourselves incessanly, we click that mouse and a machine confirms our sense of mastery...We like the mirror and the mirror likes us..."

And on the matter of love and real life..

"The simple fact of the matter is that trying to be perfectly likable is incompatible with loving relationships. Sooner or later, for example, you're going to find yourself in a hideous screaming fight, and you'll hear coming out of your mouth things that you yourself don't like at all, things that shatter your self-image as a fair, kind, cool, attractive, in-control, funny , likable person. Something realer than likability has come out in you, and suddenly you're having an actual life."

His main point is clear.   Consumer technologies is often used as a virtual pleasure palace.  This phenomenon is not new, but is ironically punctuated by the bluntness of the Facebook "Like" button.

But is "liking" the root of the issue?  Buddhist teachings state that it is not "liking", but rather our attachment to the feeling of liking that causes trouble (delusion, greed, anger, etc.).   We are not in control of how we feel, but we do have some work-ability in how we react to it.

So what is wrong with attraction?  Probably nothing.  If you really look at it, the energy of attraction is probably what leads us to making real connections.  People go on dates before they fall in love, puppies are cute before they come home and chew up the couch.

This morning I went on Facebook to do some research, and the top post on my news feed was by my mother, announcing the death of her and my step dad's long time companion, Rex, their golden retriever. Seeing the image she posted of Rex smiling, shot only a few months ago, broke my heart and brought me right back into the realness of life, which is the "tough" stuff that Franzen is after. I was sad and upset for a few minutes, and gave myself a moment to cry it out.

When I returned to contemplating the article, I realized that Facebook, which is a very "like"-able techno-capitalist entity, very directly connected me the the truth of impermanence, the suffering of change, and the sadness being experienced by loved ones.  It was effectively reflecting back to me a state of mind that doesn't traditionally fall into the "like" category.

As users of technology we have the opportunity to harness creative energy and technological innovation to foster real life connections instead of building pleasure palaces.  We have the opportunity to be aware of how it affects our minds, our culture and our environment.

What if instead of throwing away our three year old blackberry pearl, we tried to track down the conditions under which the materials were produced?  Were the workers treated fairly? Are the materials being harvested in a sustainable way? What is going to happen to it if I throw it in the trash?

We have the opportunity to tell all our friends that we are going to take a week vacation from the internet, just to see how it affects our minds.

And we always have the opportunity to make changes that create a more fluid relationship between technology and our "real" lives:

Miss you Rex, much love.