I was planning to write a post today about holiday gift-giving and how we're all under so much pressure to buy presents that we forget what it's like to be generous. Except on Saturday I started to feel pain around my right eye. I thought it was probably from grinding my teeth (I have TMJ) but by Sunday afternoon the pain had increased and redness appeared underneath my bottom eyelid.
I often tell people who come to the weekly meditation group I lead that there is no perfect place to meditate. We meet in a beautiful, serene room -- where we hear yoga students "ommming" in the studio next door, the beeping of the crosswalk signal, and the skateboarders in the parking lot.
My relationship with drugs has been rocky. One of both love and hate. And the experience I share here is my own. We all own our unique relationship with drugs and I judge no one not because I've been your mother and you mine but because in a very real way I've been you and you me.
My most recent experience has exposed some truths in my life. Drugs and alcohol lye antithetical to the way I’ve learned to live and enjoy my life; an obstacle and not a conduit.
The body is like a compass in this age of poor navigational signals. We don’t know what to do next, though we feel that we certainly should be doing something next. Our attention and decision-making is demanded by notifications from our phones and computers. We have so many relationships to check in on and tidy up through endless apps and platforms. Not to mention worries about our jobs and our expectations for our productivity. With so many different directions to go, how do we decide?
I can remember trying to 'feel' the swampy mess of bodily sensations and emotions I felt trapped inside me. What were these squeezings in my chest and throat, this panicked gripping in my abdomen? I knew there was wisdom in the body and that if I could relate with it, I might feel less stuck in my life